Aye, me hearties!

Infernal Flying Dutchman! Like Master Turner it dooms pirates of the box office to another sequel. For land-lubbing aficionados of plot and story-line, it is World’s End; but a rum thing for blood thirsty fanta-sea fans - the Black Pearl, Captain Swann are a-sail.
Jack Sparrow reminds us that even Pirates of the Caribbean were metrosexual. Geoffrey Rush and Bill Nighy show that in the mayhem of sequential disaster, acting need not suffer. The FX crew prove they can still raise a ship from under the sea.
How dead d’ya feel? Nay, not me. Raise the flag yer scoundrels.

Sport

My heart is shaped like a football. It’s no wonder I gravitate towards the ‘sexiest chick’ on the club football scene – Manchester United. Though given my predilection for Latino-looking women (look at my wife (only) for confirmation), Barcelona might have seemed more onside. But I could never Kop a club playing some of the most free-flowing, beautiful soccer in recent Champions League history and losing. Which is why, even if Carlos Tevez does go to Liverpool, the Reds will always have my respect, but never my support. And neither will any of the Milan clubs. Nor will Rino Gattuso.

99, welcome

What can you say in 99 words? What can you say in 1,000? Might as well take a picture. Pre-disposed to amber-coloured spirits of Scottish origin and funny powders delivered from anywhere south of the equator I have found myself often delivering the first sermon on a Sunday morning to a bunch of faithfuls. Allegiance to spirit, powder or moi? It’s hard to tell from the pulpit of intoxication; however I’ve often lost the first line (listeners), by my third line (speech). Say it in 99 or, don’t say it; or be all means say it… but nobody’s listening.