Is the end nigh?

A tsunami hurtles towards Hawaii as I write this, still updating my newspaper with the death toll from the Chilean earthquake, which at plus 8 on the Richter is a monster. There is a storm here in the UAE as well. A strange storm it is as well, sand storm mixed with thunder storm. Yeah, all kinds of shit happens in Dubai. Point is, you have to feel like there is a major global catastrophe brewing. Maybe the Mayan Indians (or was it the Incas) got it right, Maybe the world is going to end in 2012. Can’t wait!

Let's talk about sex, baby!

Check this out http://oxbridgesex.blogspot.com/
Now tell me, is it better than 99? A chick writing about sex, and badly at that, has already made headlines across the world. It's just not interesting.
Boy, are we suckers for sex (every pun intended).
Of course I’m tempted. Of course I’ve thought about it. But what would I call the blog.
Sexcapades of a 36-year-old diabetic, recovering alcoholic-drug addict, prone to massive debt and gambling, journalist, father of three?
Is that how I see myself? No. But that’s a blog you’d read, right? The art of sex writing, here I come.

I mean, really, what did i think was going to happen?!

The name for my book – What did you think was going to happen?!
It’s about my life and me challenging common sense, power of convention and the two-plus-two of life with the vehemence of someone trying to disprove the law of gravity. I mean, really, what did I think was going to happen?!
The romantic notions that make up my persona and cloud my judgement suggest lying down and dying like a martyr (cue Dido’s White Flag).
But, that would make me like the Irish then, who would much rather die for their beliefs than live for them. Tempting.

Thank you for the music...

I’ll say this for the UAE: it allowed me the chance to watch almost every great musician of the last 30 years 'live'; especially from the '80s, the ones that I grew up with.
I get this sense that my tour of duty in the Gulf is coming to an end. I also get the sense that if I stick around, I will catch every great live act alive. The place is a piss-poor excuse for anyone with half a soul. But, Sting will be here soon, and then, Rod Stewart. Now dat is da shit I’m takin’ ‘bout.

Right call, wrong life

I love to see predictions of mine come true. Or, general behaviour have a certain societal effect that I saw coming when I was in my mother’s womb. However, I like to see this happen ‘out there’, in other people’s lives. Mainly because my predictions are dire. I mean, who really gets excited about a happy ending?
So over the past two days when I found the butterfly effect unfolding in my life, I was horrified. Heard about the train crash in Belgium? Well the butterfly effect is that I could lose my job stemming from that. Stay tuned.

Why save the tiger?

Is the whole global warming saga the biggest lemon being sold today? I’ve been watching the saga unfold and have put off having any more children or buying
a car for now.
For the first time man is interfering with evolution of a world and multi-species. The homosapien is trying to determine the outcome of a process s/he did not start. Is that good?
Maybe we should not save the tiger. If you were around when the velociraptor existed would you want to save it? So why save the tiger? Just because you don’t live in the jungle anymore.

Ain't that a kick in the balls!

Have you ever set yourself up for the biggest kick in the balls ever? I’m talking way beyond going out on a limb, eggs in one basket, bridges burning and the kitchen sink flying through the air.
I’m talking about living in such denial of an event eventually happening, that when it does, it’s like… you have no reaction because it was just, so, not in your sphere of reality. There is no point of reference to have any comprehension or reaction.
I should be bent over gasping for breath, in pain. But I just do not get it.

Al Qaeda in Pune? Quite easily

After 9/11, my publication at the time did the entire gamut of why Pune is a hard terrorist target. I then went undercover to look at the possibility of Al Qaeda sleeper cells in Pune. Far-fetched? Not to someone who lives, breathes and eats the city. Pune has for long been home to thousands of foreign Islamic students.
Sure enough, in one of the African ‘clubs’ near Quartergate, frequented by Muslim Sudanese and Somalians, I found evidence of Al Qaeda support.
I informed my cop contacts and they took over. I moved to soft-core journalism shortly after. Sadly.

My name is Khan, and I am, Bollywood's, hammiest actor

Maybe I’m just born skeptical, or insanely jealous of people who are famous. Consider that the disclaimer.
Shah Rukh Khan has to have a character that is either a raving lunatic, or with a severe disability, for him to have any hope of putting in a decent performance. They have a professional word for actors who only have those two performances in their repertoire – hamming.
Bollywood is going through its sickness and disability phase – Paa, Taare Zameen Par and now Asperger. Oh please! I wonder if there’s an acting disability that can describe SRK… and that’s terminal.

Goras bombed in Pune

Finally, terror strikes my hometown of Pune.
I have long resented the manner in which Koregaon Park, where German Bakery is situated, capitulated to the gora and the greenback.
The cops are still deciding whether it is a bomb or whether it is a Muslim-linked terror attack; or whether someone like me overreacted to getting attitude from some Indian prick at the counter and bombed the place. Believe me, I have come close.
If it is a terror attack I’d hate to be in Pune right now. My beloved city does tend to over-react. Here comes the bandobast.

It's the price you pay for selling out, Mr Barry

I’ve been watching Gareth Barry for some time now, the manner in which he plays for Manchester City. It’s like he is almost embarrassed by the fact that he made the switch from Aston Villa (because of money). It’s like he is not sure if he can live with that choice. It’s like a shadow that chases him down on the park when the lights are on. He just can’t shake it. It reflects most in his game. He’s not the booming, thudding, fast, give-it-all midfielder he was under Martin O’Neill. It’s the cost of selling your soul.

My sisters were good students and me and my bro had no pressure

As a parent I believed I would never push my children to academic excellence merely for the sake of it. If they did their best and reached their potential that was enough.
Yet, as they move into higher classes I find myself increasingly worked up when I don’t see 90-plus marks.
And all the time I’m reminded of how good my parents were to me growing up. There was never really any pressure.
Given that they had an in-your-face, naughty-by-nature terror and a sly-fly for sons, they were remarkably cool. A few good thrashings, but no pressure.

Rocking all over the world

There is something pure and soul-cleansing about good ol’ rock’n’roll. Especially when played in the uncompromising and uncomplicated manner that Status Quo does. The shocker on the night came at the post-concert dinner, where trivia teasers revealed the band’s biggest hit, Rockin’ all over the world, was actually written by CCR’s John Fogarty. Still, Status Quo rocked, in that manner that 60-year-old stalwarts do.
It was a measure of age (and taste) that my gang of mid-to-late-30-somethings preferred Status Quo to Nickelback; who rocked their perfomance, by the way.
Nickelback is the Bryan Adams of tweendom today.

Don't be naive

I dislike the Shiv Sena as much as the next sensible person, but on the issue of Pakistan’s cricketers and Shahrukh Khan’s comments, sad to say, I agree with Balasaheb. Urban educated Indians approach Pakistan with much naivety. Peace they believe is a bus ride, and few exchange visits and hugs away. The Aman Ki Asha campaign is a classic example of this.
After a point, you cannot separate the good apples from the bad. With nations it’s the whole basket or nothing. So with Pakistan, for them to know we are serious, all niceties must stop. Especially cricket.

Either be a leader or a playya!

Can we really separate a basic moral code from professional capability? No. The financial meltdown is a classic example of what can happen if we do.
If that is a ‘no’ for mortals, then leaders, whether of a family, political party or football team of a nation cannot, for sure, shag their best mate’s girl.
John Terry has to step down, or be asked to do so.
Sure, there is forgiveness and people can be serial offenders (ask me) and still have hope of change. But one cannot lead without resolving breaches of a basic moral code of conduct.

Comme ci comme ça

Is it just me, or are the Grammy awards getting flatter by the year. Bon Jovi’s performance was zing-less, Roberta Flack and Maxwell were odd, at best, and the Michael Jackson tribute was as jaded as me on the dancefloor after midnight on December 31. He left too early, he loved the earth, he loved the fans, he loved the children (we know) and…. yeah, yeah we get it, can we move on please.
The show was saved by Lady GaGa, and Lil Wayne and Eminem. My all-time favourite Grammys is the 1984 edition - http://www.rockonthenet.com/archive/1984/grammys.htm
Top that!

How not to interview a Pakistani minister - by Barkha Dutt

NDTV’s Barkha ‘the emoter’ Dutt played right into Pakistani foreign minister Qureshi’s hands. He used NDTV as a platform to espouse the Pakistan cause in a more forceful way than if he was given the chance to give India’s Republic Day address.
Ms Dutt went in all brimstone and long earrings and was taught a mean lesson in the quickstep of political ballroom dancing.
Somebody from the government should call Prannoy Roy and explain to him that freedom of the press becomes freedom to op-press the general intelligence of the nation in Barkha Dutt’s hands. A how not-to lesson.