Anti recovery

Green shoots, bottoming out and bounces. The holy trinity of global economic recovery right now. I for one am against economic recovery. At least until we have a new path forward. A new way of life to bequeath to our children that is not based on greed and the principle of more. The quicker the economic recovery the less likely a new thought process will be out in place. The longer we are hurting and poor the greater the chance we will look at what really matters and question the basis for existence and development since World War II.

Don’t go to war, but if you must, win

I am against war. We should do everything possible to prevent two people, or two communities or two nations fighting against each other. However, once a decision has been taken to go to war – let’s not try and humanize it. It’s more sickening than going to war. Once you decide to go to war there is only one outcome that must matter – victory. Bomb, kill, maim, torture, capture (I stop at children and rape), ideally, do it in a manner that sets an example – war is not for the fainthearted so, don’t ever go to war.

Buy Man U, not Liverpool

This is a sports’ streak 99 is on right now, so be kind. News of the hour demands it. Besides, everything else I have to say – from economy to Oh!Bummer - is dour.
The GMR group, which owns the Delhi Daredevils IPL side, are in talks to buy Liverpool.
This will be a mistake. I estimate one out of every three Indian football fans is a Manchester United supporter. Man U need a sponsor after AIG pulled out. Also, Man U is a global club. Liverpool is more Brit than London and Indians will never be welcome there.

Sporting perspective

Great sporting moments created not by genius, but by error.
Useless media, in need of hype like a crack addict, orgasmic about the results.
The truth:
* Arsenal vs Liverpool, 4-4, lesson in defensive disasters. Saving grace: Andrei Aarshavin’s finishing.
* Stephen Hendry vs Ding Jun Hui, last 16 of the World Snooker Championship. Hendry wins 13-10, but Ding misses a pot I could have made blindfolded. Saving grace: Hendry’s masterful safety behind the black to end it.
* Kolkata vs Rajasthan in the IPL. Royals win. Ganguly does not disappoint. Saving grace: I warned you (see previous post)

Paradoxes

India is the land of paradox. Where else can the country’s worst cricket player boast of being its best captain? In Kolkata’s IPL team two great paradoxes meet. Saurav Ganguly and Shah Rukh Khan. SRK is of course the other paradox – I have never seen a bigger hamster in my life… and yet they afford him the title of King and he has made billions.
The two of them together will surely ensure that the team from Kolkata wins as little as possible on the pitch – but will rule the media scene with all sorts of antics.

Lewis busted

In a shitty car Lewis Hamilton is not the dog’s balls after all. I’ll tell you what though, it’s fun to watch the damned thing again. After years of suffering Michael Schumacher and Ferrari, it finally seems like a race now.
If all were given shitty cars and regular diffusers I still say Fernando Alonso is the best driver on the track out there.
Felipe Massa, Jenson Button, Sutil, anybody but the spoilt Hamilton, who, if he wants to win me over, is going to have drive his car, which is clearly crap, all the way to the podium.

EPL's player of the year

Manchester United have five players who make the shortlist (six total) for the Premier League’s player of the year. Happy? Not really. I have my own list. It does have a Man Utd player, but not from any on the official list.
My criteria, is, of course different. Ability to give 100 per cent even when team is floundering, ability to play every match like it’s a Champions League final and of course, talent.
My list is:
Aaron Lennon (Spurs)
Yossi Benayoun (Liverpool)
Tim Cahill (Everton)
Park Ji-Sung (Manchester United)
Shaun Wright-Philips (Manchester City)
Rory Delap (Stoke City)

Go, IPL, go!

The best thing about having the IPL in South Africa is we will be spared the self righteous bullshit from Indian political parties about cheerleaders.
Rather than have them all clad in various ugly-looking tights, we can have cheerleaders looking as they rightly should: scantily-clad and sexy.
It’s another 45-day slog fest then, and while India is cricket-crazy enough to sustain that kind of match fatigue, one wonders how the non-stop carnival will fare in South Africa.
Rest assured though, I plan to be there for the climax. And I hope the cheerleaders get sexier and the sixes bigger.

Eu tu, Mel

Is it just not possible to be a superstar and have a happily married life? Are Hollywood, happy and marriage all mutually exclusive? I’m a big Mel Gibson fan. The fact that he is devoutly Catholic and until now, was married to the same woman for 28 years and had seven children, had a lot to do with it. Mad Max with a life. That’s something worth emulating. Then, Robyn his wife, files for divorce today.
So who’s left happily married (first wife) in Hollywood? John Travolta, Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Tom Hanks, Sting (not strictly Hollywood).
Who’s next?

Me, poll pundit

Three tips on voting this election in India.

* Vote for a party that has a strong regional platform and a genuine regional progressive manifesto. Do not buy the ‘stability at the Centre’ argument. Strong regions make a strong nation.

* Vote for the candidate, not for the party. In India, candidates need parties because of the nature of politics. One cannot go it alone. However, a good candidate will put constituency above party and play the necessary politics to keep both happy. Vote for this person.

* Finally, vote. It’s one of the few populists agendas that’s kosher.

Whaddap nigga!

This blog generally sets the agenda. Impervious to prevalent sentiment, here nuggets of the future are distilled from chaos of the present.
But, you don’t have to take my word for it. There are veritable experts that unknowingly vindicate and irrefutable facts that underline why we should all be saying together: ‘You read it first on 99!’
* Look for a previous post on Oh!Bummer, then see M J Akbar’s piece in epaper.timesofindia.com, April 12.
* Look for a previous post on Indian hockey and join me in celebrating our first Azlan Shah Cup for 13 years, I believe.

A good question

Popular wisdom allows us to become intellectually lazy. A classic case of pop-wiz is the use of the phrase ‘That’s a very good question.’
Delivered in Q&A session, generally after the speaker has finished his/her speech, the phrase is blatant use of linguistic bribery to keep the audience in check.
It usually describes the dumbest question or, rather, the question the speaker most expects or is most ready answer.
A good question will leave the speaker confounded and expose hypocrisy or factual error, or ideally criminal intent. Remember, if they cut to a commercial, the question was good.

What if it's all free?

I tread carefully when talking about religion because as the great Bishop Fulton Sheen cautioned – no matter where you go, God has been there first.
Religions where the emphasis is on you performing deeds to earn your salvation are among the fastest growing in the world. This is because humans like that idea. The fact that I can do what I want and then do something else to negate it takes away the need for organic change from within. A religion which is based on free will, free love and free forgiveness is much harder to deal with.

Engage the Taliban? You gotta be kiddin’ me

Barewreck Oh!Bummer needs to understand the difference between engaging in peaceful negotiation and being taken for a ride.
Sure he’s suave and charming and speaks in a manner that makes Dubya seem like a bumbling idiot. But, when you deal with the Taliban, Iran and North Korea, none of the above matter. They are not NDTV viewers.
I don’t quite get ‘engaging the Taliban’. Unless it’s ok to have people ruled by the letter of a religious law interpreted in the same manner as it was over 400 years ago. Be careful Oh!Bummer who you engage and why.

Q1 ends

It will be Easter and a new liturgical year will begin.
Schools will begin a final push for the report-busting exam season. A pall of gloom will descend on students’ houses.
Companies will have closed books on the worst quarter in their history and have finalized a list of staff to be fired. There will be a sense of burning bridges and moving forward.
Leaders of the twenty most powerful nations will return home to save their economies.
India will elect a new government.
Manchester United will attempt to win five club titles.
And me,? I’ll still be here.