Oh God!

Sir Alex Fergusson and Bob Dylan remind me of God. Especially in my world, where oxygen is two parts music, two parts sports.
Both are patronised and taken for granted simply because they have performed consistently forever.
As long as Dylan releases a new album every year and Manchester United win everything in sight, God is good.
When Man United lose, God is blamed for everything - typical human fickle reaction. Fergusson is not really bothered.
What about Dylan then? Well, I still have to check his latest album to see if this year is really a Godless one.

The future is shit - see it in the movies

Art imitates, validates, substantiates, and indicates – life. Even surrealist art references life. Films being the apogee of the modern sensory art medium, leave me very worried about our future.
Can you think of a single film that paints a good, nay, even half-decent picture of our future?
The world in all futuristic movies is basically a shit-hole. Technology is ultra, ultra developed. Almost inversely to that happening, is that the world itself, which in these movies, is a dump.
If that’s how some of the visionary artists of the film medium see the future, shouldn’t we be worried?

Bi-curious

Disclaimer:
The following post contains graphic sexual references. If you are my mother or father, or think of me as Saint Peter, do not read further

A decade ago, being bisexual for women was a big deal. Like, I have said before, wearing a ear-ring, getting a tattoo and doing cocaine.
Not any more.
Which is why, I have taken off my earrings and stopped the snow. The tattoos are with me for life. Which leaves being a bisexual woman. Impossible to change when you are hetro.
Now, I’ve been following the confessions of movie stars and singers off late and all the women are suddenly flaunting same-sex needs, desires and experiences. This must infuriate real lesbians. You can’t have cock and eat pussy too!

Recession dynamics of the Middle East workforce

Indians work best in a recession. My company (and if this gets traced to me, I’m screwed), when I first joined was a veritable United Nations, and like the real UN, with a clear pro-West tilt.
At the first sign of trouble, the goras fled. For a company to survive a recession, as we all know now, employees must work twice as hard often for less money.
Now in the teeth of a recession the company is filled with Indians. Which confirms the generalization: goras are in the Gulf for a good time; Indians will always sell themselves short.

An Afghan waterloo

Afghanistan will do to Barewreck Oh!Bummer what Iraq did to George W Bush. It will Waterloo him. American foreign policy states that Iraq is their war of choice, but Afghanistan is their war of necessity. They could not be farther from the truth. One was a war for oil, the other, the frightened reaction of a bully.
The Americans are not ruthless. Not like the Russians at least. And even the Russians could not win a war in Afghanistan.
Why are the US still there? To wipe out Al Qaeda? Not possible. To capture Osama? Pointless now. Then, why?

Word limit

After ages I have been called upon to write something for the paper that employs me. I would let management know that writing is my forte, but then, they would expect me to write often. And writing for a newspaper involves legwork.
I’m done with legwork. At least when it involves my own. However, when I have the opportunity to be nasty in print, I write.
The problem with this latest piece is, I have to write 2,000 words. And I’m struggling. Not because I don’t have enough to say. But, because I can say it in 99 words.

The racontuers

What is Jeffery Archer doing in Pune so often? Twice in six months is often enough. More intriguing, apart from the appalling interview the Times of India managed to conduct on both occasions, is why the former jailbird considers R K Narayan the best Indian writer in English.
I have read Narayan and Archie prefers Narayan to Rushdie and Naipaul because, like ol’ Jeffers, RK is first and foremost, a storyteller. In fact, that’s all RK really is. Language is merely and solely the means. There is no shame in that. A good storyteller is irresistible. Ask Lord Archer.

The TV effect

What do slum dwellers and farmers have in common? They both have access to cable TV.
What cable TV does, is, it gives you the feeling of being in the know. Of being empowered.
Suddenly, their conversation needn’t be about someone’s suicide. Rather, about what the Prime Minister of the country said about suicide.
Take into account the manner in which local language channels dramatise the news and essentially you have a voter ready to decide for him/herself who will run India. They did. And the Congress won because the ‘remaining 70 per cent of India’ now watch TV.

We are the champions, my friend!

Defensive generals, flying wingbacks, midfield marshalls and forward assassins.
That is what it takes to win a war. And 75,000 red devils inside Old Trafford, another 100,000 outside, me, Sir Alex Fergusson and God (not always in that order for the last two) will have to have got it wrong if Manchester United do not win the battle to be Premier League Champions today. Even if Arsenal win, victory will be delayed by a week. So let’s look ahead.
Sell Ronaldo, keep Tevez. Sell Berbatov, buy Benzema, or Kaka. Keep everyone else.
All together now… we are the champions…

Be-deviled

In the pentecostal strains of Christianity, the devil is personalised to the extent of him (yes, definitely male) becoming more real than the persona of God.
That religious experience pits you in a daily battle against the forces of evil. Forget, Reaper and Buffy… you can be part of a real life good versus evil war.
In that milieu, however, when plans go awry, the devil gets the blame.
I have long stopped battling the devil, ever since I realised I was more evil. Sometimes though, when things go wrong it does seems like it is beyond our control.

Live and let die

National Geographic’s April issue dealt with hundreds of frog species gone extinct. Then, scientists announced the discovery of 200 new frog species. In Madagascar alone.
Point is, we are interfering with the natural evolutionary process by trying to save species.
The human being continues to put him/herself at the centre of life on earth. I’m sure every species does that. So unless a bunch of frogs is working very hard on a cure for diabetes, I suggest we leave extinction of species to Darwin’s law. And save all money and energy for saving ourselves. Better me than a frog.

I may not be Don Juan, or DeMarco, but I am still DeMarquis... of nothing in particular

Every man deep down inside thinks he is Don Juan DeMarco (or whatever the cultural equivalent). If a man doesn’t, he is either gay (which means he thinks he’s George Michael) or missing out.
Some men, like me, actually believe they are, even though they may actually resemble a fat old Marlon Brando.
Either way, life sometimes sends along a young stud to remind you what being Don Juan was all about. At 18, this kid I met, is a national swimmer, was head-boy at school, beat me at pool, and played the guitar like a pro. Damn!

Who will end the Taliban?

Unless there's a grassroot movement within Islam, I mean madrasa KG upwards, the Taliban will never be wiped out.
It’s like the mentally deranged uncle who nobody wants at the wedding, but every one puts up with because he is blood. Mullahs preach an adherence to the letter of the Koranic law in terms much more filial than blood.
Which is why Pakistan’s offensive against the Taliban will eventually blowup in their face, literally.
Musharraf’s reign really ended because he attacked the Red Mosque.
After all, which Muslim will support the killing of another who interprets the Koran literally?

A little Ali, Manny

A world champion must speak and carry himself like one. Manny Pacquiao is one fight away from being boxing’s only current true world champion. I am still lost for words to describe his knockout of Ricky Hatton. It was, apart from Tyson’s KO of Michael Spinks and Sugar Ray’s marathon win over Marvin Hagler the best boxing match I have seen ‘live’.
The problem is Manny’s humility. When he opened his mouth to speak it was with the demeanour of a Filipino waiter. I greatly value humility, but for world champs, surely, a little after-match swagger is a must.

No twit, no way

If you want to avoid a website the only way is never to go to it. Type the URL out once and you will never let go. I am anti-online social networking. I have documented here, and in newspaper columns, how orkut did not work for me and why, for years, I resisted facebook.
However, the day I went to facebook.com I was doomed. I am now on it, if only to abuse people, ofcourse.
Which is why twitter.com will never be keyed on my comp (wait, it just has, aargh!). But, you know what I mean. Stay away.

Poor, but flu-less

I need write this in before the red spots on the world map you see in your newspapers begin to discolour Africa and Asia.
So far, it’s the developed world that has been left shivering and scared by swine flu. Isn’t that ironic. Disease and poverty-ridden swathes of Asia and Africa have been untouched (save that techie who brought back the flu from the US to India).
It means if you are not rich enough to holiday in Cancun, you will not catch this latest plague.
Life, of late, is making a very serious case for not being rich.